


This Might Hurt A Bit

by bjfic_archivist



Category: Queer as Folk (US)
Genre: Angst, Canon, Drama, Future, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2006-04-09
Updated: 2007-02-28
Packaged: 2018-12-29 02:49:48
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 7
Words: 9,754
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12073032
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bjfic_archivist/pseuds/bjfic_archivist
Summary: 3 yrears after the Rage party.......Ethan is history....thank god!  Justin is coming home after finishing school in New York and Brian.....well you just have to read and find out.





	1. Not Alone Anymore

**Author's Note:**

> Note from IrishCaelan, the archivist: this story was originally archived at [The Brian/Justin Fanfiction Archive](http://fanlore.org/wiki/Brian_Justin_Fanfiction_Archive). To preserve the archive, I began importing its works to the AO3 as an Open Doors-approved project in September 2017. I posted announcements, but may not have reached everyone. If you are (or know) this creator, please contact me using the e-mail address on [The Brian/Justin Fanfiction Archive collection profile](http://archiveofourown.org/collections/bjfic/profile).

  
Author's notes: I have to admit the first time a read a fic with Brian and somone else it kind of made me cringe but some are soo well writtten that now I'm a little addicted to that type of fic.      So thought I would give it a try     kimmie  


* * *

BRIAN'S POV 

 

I finally managed to get Mikey out the door--it seems that he just **HAD** to come by and tell me in person that Justin is coming home next week.  Didn't want me to just run into him or something---wanted to prepare me for it---I guess.  Riiiight like I was ever going to be ready for that day to come.

 

It's not that I didn't think about that---I would be a total liar if I said that I didn't but it's been 3 years things have changed hell, even I've changed a little.  So what if I see him again, it's not like we're enemies--we can be friends right?  I take another drink and realize I don't want to think too long about this or my thoughts will get cloudy and I'll be right back there again.....the night it all went to shit.

 

Suddenly, I hear my cell chirping letting me know I have a voice message, picking it up I smile a little at the now familiar name on the display.  "It's me (I grin, I don't know why he never says his name and I don't know why I like that) "this shoot has been a real bitch but it's finally wrapped....soooo I may be back sooner than I thought.  I'll call you when I land---maybe there is still a stall at the airport we haven't christened(laughs)  "See ya"!!  "Smart fucker"   I laugh.  I'm not sure if he is right about the whole bathroom stall thing---but we'll see about that soon enough.

 

Matt....certainly didn't see myself fucking someone with that name, at least not more than once and don't ask when I started getting their names, I'm not sure I could tell you anyway.

It must have been at least 2 years since Justin left and sting of it had finally become a dull ache that didn't require as much booze or drugs to numb anymore.

**FLASHBACK 1 YEAR AGO**

Just another Saturday night at Babylon with the boys--same old action,not a fresh piece in the whole bunch until...."Hellllooo gorgeous!"  Emmett purrs and I look in the direction of his stare.  "Hmmm...this could be interesting" I think to myself.  Tall...actually as tall as me but blonde-tan-and green eyes almost the color of jade.  Lean build too, not beefy-but not a twink by any means---couldn't be a bottom but I'd have him changing his mind soon enough.

I'm in the middle of playing out different ways to make this guy scream my name when I realize he's right in front of me--staring me down.  "Cocky fucker" I think.  "Looking for me"  His voice has a slight southern drawl that goes right to my dick.  I drink back my shot of Beam and smirk then put my glass on the bar and pull him by the waistband of his jeans "Come on"

Now don't ask me why I took him back to the loft and not the backroom but I wanted to spend some time with this guy---I mean someone that brazen at least deserves more than an hour of my time,  And if I'm honest with myself I've been having a paticular itch that needs to be scratched and he **might** be just the guy to do it.

**Damn**!!! this guy is hot--we made it through the door and he has me pressed against it--mouth on my neck and hands starting to make quik work of my shirt.  I'm reaching for the zipper on his jeans when..."ohhh fuck!" he's on my right nipple sucking and pulling. " Damn it that gets me everytime"  I pull his shirt up and over his head while pushing him off.  He's a little breathless--but so am I.

"Bedroom, now" I push him along pressing against him...gotta let him know who's driving this train--for now anyway.  He's on the bed, jeans now gone--stroking himself "Nice...not too long and not too wide juuust right"  Quit thinking Kinney---but damn he's got me hard and I'm trying not to rip off my jeans like some over anxious teenager.

Climbing on the bed I hover over him for a second--then he's grabbing me by the forearms and rolling me over--this battle for dominance doesn't last long when I get back on top, pin his arms over his head and go straight to his cock.  I try to hold back a grin when I feel his resistance waver and a moan escape his lips.

He's fighting trying to buck his hips up into my mouth and I could care less if he did---he's gonna cum one way or another--but come to think of if I know what way it's going to be.  Back on top of him, his eyes snap open "Roll over"  I tell him and I can see a look of "Fuck you" on his face and "hey, I get it I know this guy is a top but not right now,  at least not yet"   Moving my face closer--lips almost touching and my voice a little softer "Do it"  Eyes neve leaving mine he complies--I reach over him for the lube and condom.  I straddle him resting my ass on his thighs and notice the muscles in his back.  "Hmmm nice"  Leaning over I whisper"Like to work out"  "Yeah"  his voice is more than a little hoarse his dick is trapped and he is trying to grind against the bed.  Maybe I should have taken a little more time in preparing him---but the thought of pushing into him and watching the muscles in his back flex under the lights was too hot to resist.

He's on his hands and knees now and the initial pain is long gone at least that's how I see it since he's pushing back on me **hard**.  Ever the top, always trying to control the fuck.  Reaching up I pull him by the hair and put my face next to his "I'm the one in charge"  He lets up only when I bite his shoulder hard---he moans and tries to bite it all back.  I'm sure he didn''t think I would have him moaning like this tonight and I try not to grin.

Then I'm slamming into him--pulling his hips closer--sliding in and out with such ease and I see a drop of my sweat drop on his back I lick it up to his shoulder blades.  "Fuck....I'm gonna cum"  He's panting now and I can feel him shake underneath me and his ass squeezes around me--trying to push and pull me out--sending me into orgasm with him.

Collapsing underneath me, I slowly pull out---toss the condom away and head to the bathroom.  When I come back he is on his back, smoking one of my cigarettes.  "Looks like you made a speedy recovery"  I joke pulling out a cigarette of my own.  He takes a drag and laughs "It's all just an act I assure you"  I chuckle a little and get back in bed with him.  We are both on our backs just smoking when he turns to me propped up on his elbow.

"Name's Matt, by the way" he smiles hovering over me just a little--I ground out my cigarette and come back to him.  "Well, Matt by the way"  I laugh--he laughs.  Then I put on my usual face "Time for you to go"  His face gets close to mine--he's not buying my shit for a second "Good"  I think.   "Uh huh" his hand is moving down to my......"We both know why I'm here tonight"  And thats it  he's on top of me and damn if I didn't jist let him take me and **really** I did.  Christ!!! he was fucking good too---got me off in no time---okay, that's a little embarrassing, I mean you would have thought I was 18 again.  Anyway, after he damn near fucked me into the mattress, I vaguely remember falling asleep while the sound of the loft door closing rang in my ears.

 

**TWO WEEKS LATER**

**KINNETIK**

"Brian!!!"  Cynthia comes barreling into my office slightly flustered.  Getting up from my desk I walk over to shut the door.  "I see the fine art of knocking is lost on you once again"

"Okay, I don't have time for this or rather you don't" she states getting my attention.    "What is it?" not certain I want to know the answer.  "The photographer Ted hired to shoot the layout for the new Brown ads just arrived and the models are bitching.....they are refusing to work with him"   "Why not, did he fuck all of them" I quip.  Cynthia is **not** amused.   "Allright, well in case you forgot this has to be done today--unless of course,you don't mind losing this account"  Rolling my eyes "I think you know me better than that.  Hold down the fort and I'll be right back"

Making my way down the hall to the studio I can hear the voice of someone and it seems vaguely familiar to me.

"Look, stop being a pain in my ass all of you and get back into position I'm not having Brian Kinney tear me a new ass just because you're all being total cunts!"  Smirking at that last comment I swing open the door as a pair of green eyes turn to face me in recognition.  "Oh shit"  I think but "Matt, good to see you haven't lost your charm" comes out as I saunter in and over to him.  "Fuck me" he breathes out.  "I believe we already played that game" I grin then turn to the "total cunts" as Matt so nicely put it.  "Now now boys, what seems to be the problem"

Four hours and whole lot of bitching later the shoot is done---with the models gone and just Matt and I in the room I debate whether I should stay or go but he makes it easy for me.

"Soooo...Brian Kinney, I hope you'll be pleased with my work" he speaks in the southern drawl that I want to fuck right out of him.  His back is to me and he is putting his camera away.  Turning, I walk over to him "I'm impressed so far Matt....leaving my words hanging there he turns to face me hand extended"Matt Sullivan"  Smiling, I take his hand in mine and I notice for the first time how his eyes never leave mine.

 


	2. Matt

  
Author's notes:

this chapter is Brian and Matt POV only..........kimmie

* * *

**Matt's POV**

 

"Okay......Brian Kinney, that certainly was the last person I expected to see walk in here today, I mean I didn't get his name two weeks ago and I didn't think I would see him again anyway, well that's a bit of a lie.  I was hoping to have another go with him"

So now what? I'm trying to keep eye contact with him but it's getting hard in more ways than one and I laugh at myself because I know I'm being a bit too obvious in my attraction to him. He can tell what I'm thinking I just know it.

 

**Brian's POV**

 

So now what? I know that's what he is thinking.  "How about a drink?"  Great, Kinney totally lame!!!  "You lead" is his only response.

We head to a place that is not too far from Kinnetik since there is no way I am exposing him to the 20,000 questions he will have to answer if we go to Woody's or Babylon and if I'm honest and I'm nothing if I'm not that I don't want to answer them either.  It's not their business who I have a drink with anyway but maybe I want......oh I don't know what I want but this guy just seems more my equal and it would be nice to have some adult converstion for once I haven't had that since......no way I'm not going there right now.

 

**Matt's POV**

 

I think I've lost him for a minute he seems to be lost in his own thoughts but I give him time and he comes back to me.  "Anybody I know" I ask  "Trust me you don't and you don't want to know anyway" is his response and I know that subject is completely off limits.

I take another sip of beer and he is looking at me like he wants to eat me alive like he wants to just throw me across the table and fuck whatever memory he is having right out of his head.

"I have no problem with that"  I grin.

"What's the grin for" he asks  "Just thinking you were the last person I expected to walk in to that shoot today"  Nice recovery Matt.

"Yeah,  well I was seriously considering killing Theodore for hiring whoever it was that was fucking up the shoot.  I even had a place to hide the body"  We both laugh and whatever tension was there is now gone and we talk about everything and nothing until late in the evening. 

 

We walk outside and over to his vette and I turn to head for my Mercedes when his hand on my shoulder turns me around.  "Going somewhere?" he asks eyebrow raised and damn that's sexy.  Moving back in front of him lips almost touching I speak just above a whisper "You tell me"

 

**Brian's POV**

Okay, so I kinda stopped doing the whole no repeat thing a long time ago but I sure didn't think I would have this guy back in the loft again.  I sure didn't think I would let him fuck me again but I did.

Don't get me wrong I gave as good as I got, like I always say do unto others right? He didn't stay and he didn't ask either and I' m not sure why that bothers me.  As I'm drifting off to sleep he whispers in my ear something about a flight to London the next day for a photo shoot and the name of a magazine I didn't get.

 

I slept like the dead for the few hours of sleep that he let me get and as I get ready to head out the door I notice a new number has been added to my cell.  Pretty brazen of him it's not like I'm gonna call him anyway.

 

**Present Day**

**Matt's POV**

 

"Can these people move any slower.......I would like to get off the plane sometime this century"  Just then my cell vibrates in my pocket "Yeah" I bark into the phone "Someone needs to get fucking laid" he says in that mocking tone that calms me down and goes straight to my dick.  Smug bastard.  "Fuck you" I laugh and he laughs back "Uh I don't think so, I believe I'll be doing that tonight" and I try not to smile at that....I missed his voice and he knows it and I hate that he does.

 

Finally, I make my way over to the baggage claim while I'm talking to him and telling him about my latest trip to Europe.  I try to pull my carry-on further up my shoulder when suddenly someone grabs me and spins me around "Fuck.....is all I manage to get out when I see him standing in front of me. Grin on his face and his hair messed up like he just woke up or just got laid but I don't care.  We are not monogamous in the least and we don't want that but right now it's just him and me and his lips on mine and......."oh fuck it thinking is for losers"

 

**Brian's POV**

 

He was bitchy when I called him but now that I'm here practically fucking him with my tongue at the airport.  Hmmm.....never thought I would be here to pick up someone, well maybe if it was for a quick one in the bathroom but I think Matt and I have moved a little beyond that, well maybe.  I pull back and smile "Let's go see if we can find that bathroom stall that needs christened" I'm leading him by the waistband of his jeans and his laughter in my ears is all I need to hear.


	3. Waiting For Sleep

  
Author's notes:

Brian's having trouble sleeping...wonder why?......kimmie

* * *

**Brian's Loft**

**Later that night**

 

**Matt's POV**

 

"You would think after the flight and the fucking we just did I would be able to sleep but it's not coming" Rolling over to find an empty space "For either of us" I can hear the quiet flick of a lighter and I know where he is.

 

Getting out of bed I walk up behind him while he is gazing out the window at nothing really.  "Kinney...(I drawl) those things are gonna kill you one day" Putting my arms around his waist I press my nose to the back of his neck and breathe him in.

 

Laughing he takes another pull"Gotta go someway" I grab it from him and take a drag of my own.  "Yeah right. then who is gonna fuck me on a not too regular or irregular basis" I joke.  Taking the cigarette back and grinding it out in the ashtray on the ledge he turns to me---smile in place.  "You'll manage...but no one is gonna be as good as me, sorry to say"

 

Christ, he is so arrogant sometimes. but who am I kidding--he's right.  But all kidding aside, something is keeping him from sleep tonight and I'm not gonna buy the needing a nicotine fix shit either. "So Kinney.....what has got you up at this ungodly hour, it's 3am you know?"  Right away, I can see the mistake I've made.

 

**Brian's POV**

 

Sleep is not coming to me tonight, so I get up and head to the living room.  Just need a smoke--it'll clear my head for awhile.  I'm not sure why I'm awake, it's not like having Matt in my bed is something new...he's been here more often than not lately and I'm not complaining either.

 

Still the feel of him next to me is all too familiar and makes my mind wander to another body that use to be here.  It doesn't take him long to come and find me and I'm glad, his presence seems to calm the thoughts in my head.

 

"Kinney"  Hmmm.....I don't mind at all when he calls me that....it might seem impersonal to anyone else but not to me.  Okay, that sounded a little too lesbian didn't it?  We banter back and forth a little and then he does it, just has to mention what time it is---just fucking great!!!

 

**Matt's POV**

 

Damn it!! what a dumb ass move on my part, I know what I just said and I know the significance of it.  Yeah, Brian told me about his relationship with Justin.  I think it was about 3 months ago on one of those nights at the loft when we had just enough liquor and pot to loosen tongues.

 

I never pushed him on this I figured he would talk when he was ready.  But that night I got the whole un-edited version and I was more than a little shaken afterwards.  I'm not naieve, I know he loved Justin and probably still does....but it is also his past and I'm.....well I don't know what I'am except out the fucking door if I don't say something fast!!

 

"Shit! I'm not even gonna try to excuse that.... I wasn't thinking...I didn't mean..His hand goes up to stop me "Forget it, I know you didn't and it would be fucking unfair of me to be an asshole about it"  I let out a nervous laugh at his response to my obvious slip.

 

"You not be an asshole about something, where is my camera this is definately a Kodak moment"  Then he is on me in a flash.....kissing me and sucking on my tongue like he wants to suck anymore stupid words from me, pushing me back to the bedroom and onto the bed.  "I'll give you a Kodak moment....smartass!"

 

**1 Hour Later**

**Brian's POV**

 

Matt is sleeping now, after being properly punished...the smartass that he is.  He looks peacefull sleeping on his stomach..arms under the pillow hugging it to his head.  I reach over to the pack of cigarettes I have by the bed (I know it's a bad habit but, fuck it)

 

It's after 4am now and my mind is beginning to settle now...a little from the smoke...alot from the sex...and I'm not going to lie about this, even Matt just being here helps.  The thing is he really shouldn't still be here but so far it's just been so much easier with him around....at least when he **is** around.

 

My hand runs down and over the contours of the muscles in his back...a back I have pressed myself against more than once.  I slowly put out my cigarette and slide down beside him.  Turning on my side I lay my arm over him and his head turns to face me....eyes still closed.  Minutes later my eyes are growing heavy and I can feel sleep start to take me.


	4. Forgot To Mention That

  
Author's notes:

Michael tries to talk to Brian about Justin and Matt..............kimmie

* * *

**The next morning**

 

**Brian's POV**

 

Slowly waking up I roll over to find the bed empty but I can smell coffee brewing and it pulls me further awake.  "10:30"   Shit!!! I didn't mean to sleep that long but I guess I needed it.  The truth is I have been pretty restless since Mikey came by and gave me the news of Justin's return home.  Which can only mean one thing......everyone else knows too.  Fucking great!!!!

 

I can hear Matt out in the kitchen and I think about inviting him to shower with me but I need a few minutes to clear my head and a hot shower will do the trick (I hope)  Now it's not that we have never done that before....but the times we have it always brings back certain memories for me and I think that he senses it....which is why I make sure we keep talking and eye contact to a minimum.

 

Twenty minutes later, I'm heading to the kitchen, towel wrapped around my waist and I notice Matt is on his cell checking messages.  He hands me a mug already made the way I like it and "Hey! when did that start?"  I turn to go back to the bedroom, not wanting to entertain that train of thought when I hear him close his phone up and speak.

 

"Sleep okay?"  Turning to him "Yeah, thanks" holding up my coffee.  "No problem...I've got a ton of work to do today so I'm probably just gonna head out"  It's only then that I've noticed that he is dressed and is slipping on his jacket to leave.  "No rest for the wicked I see.....so wanna hook up later?" I admit a part of me wants him to say yes, but it's okay if he doesn't.  He is reaching for the door now and turns "I'll call you if I can, but I'll probably be in the darkroom most of the day"  Then he gets this smug little look on his face "Try not to miss me too much"    "Fuck you" I try to make it sound threatening but as usual he laughs me off.  "See ya Kinney" and he is out the door.

 

**Two hours later**

 

I've been staring at the computer screen for at least twenty minutes....the silence is bugging the shit out of me.  "It was never quiet when Justin was here....hell, it was anything but"  Fuck this!!!   Well, it's never too early for something stronger than coffee.

 

Just then the door slides open......great Mikey.   "Hey, Brian"  Does anyone in this universe or the next fucking knock anymore!!!!!!  He must sense my annoyance  "What's that look for? am I interrupting something because I can....."No, Matt is not here he had work to do"

"Oh well in that case.....thought you might want to head out and get something to eat" he offers and I can see it in his eyes.

"Just great,  what did you think Mikey that just because you came by here the other day and told me that Justin is coming back that now I shouldn't be left alone,,that I might try to finish what I started on my 30th birthday" I'm not in the mood to be coddled by anyone, least of all him.

"No, and don't even say that Brian it's not funny and you know it" he's a little taken aback that I would say that but, fuck it.

"Look" I put my hands on his shoulders and look him in the eyes.  "Run along now and tell Deb and the others, because I know they put you up to this....that I'm fine no need to send out the National Guard or the Pittsburgh PD to search for my body, okay?"  He rolls his eyes at that.  I know even in the face of genuine concern I'm a total dick.

"So you really don't care that he's coming back home?" eyes back on me.  "Things are different Mikey" (yeah, right)  "You mean Matt?" he inquires.  "Leave him out of this"  I'm trying to brush him off, I'm not going there with him.....whatever this is with Matt is off limits.   

"You really think you can do that" he tries to corner me.  Deep breaths Kinney, deep breaths, he is your best friend after all.   "Stop trying to turn this into the drama that it's not going to be" I warn him.  He's pissing me off now, so I head for the liquor.  "So.....I take it you told Matt that Justin is coming home"               **Shit!!!!** I think I forgot to mention that.............


	5. 3 Days To Go

  
Author's notes:

Matt knows something is up...will Brian tell him what it is?.......Justin's POV is at the end of this chapter..........kimmie

* * *

**Two hours earlier**

**Matt's POV**

 

Okay, so maybe I won't really be working all day but I know from how restless he was last night, that something is up.  I'm not one to push and if he wants to talk....he knows where to find me.  Kinney is complicated to say the least but so am I and I know when to push and when to back off and so does he.  Maybe, that's why this thing that we have works.  Don't ask me to define it because I'm not sure that I can....I'm not going to say "he completes me" or some nauseous shit like that!!!  He just makes me feel good when I need it and I'm sure I do the same for him.  Of course, we're both too stubborn to admit we need anything from anyone....I guess we're trying to feel our way through this.

Not really wanting to head to my studio and work I decide to stop by the diner and grab something to eat.  It's Sunday so I'm pretty sure Deb is off....I like her but, I could use some time to think.  I manage to make it inside and slide into a booth un-noticed when......"Hey, tall and handsome!" Deb comes out of the kitchen all smiles and heading my way.  "Hey Deb, just coffee for now"  "You got it"  She comes back, fills my cup and then slides down across from me.  I give her a questioning look.  "What? I'm on break, and what are you doing here anyway?...I figured you and Brian would be going at it all day!"

"Going at it?....Deb we're not rabbits and we're not attached at the hip either" I'm being a little more sarcastic than ususal, but this is Deb, she can take it.  "You just got back after being gone for three weeks I thought....I cut her off "Deb, I'm not gonna talk about Brian with you and you know it, I came here for coffee and maybe some breakfast that's all"  I take a drink and she gets this look on her face.  I don't recognize at first but, she's sad.  "Honey" she says taking my hand.  What the fuck?  "Are you sure something isn't bothering you?"  Okay, I have to be about as good at dealing with this shit as Kinney is so I put up a wall.  Letting go of her hand I stand up and put money on the table.  "I've got work to do"  She grabs me by the arm and stands in my way "Matt"  "Debbie, I'm going now, I'm not in the mood so let it go"  I'm around her and out the door in no time.  That has to be my shortest visit there, ever.  I didn't want to go into full asshole mode so I'm glad I got out when I did.  Better off just to head to my studio and get to work.

 

**Present time**

**Brian's Loft**

 

**Shit!!!** I think I forgot to mention that.  I pause for a second before pouring a shot and downing it.  I notice Mikey staring at me "I'll take your silence as a no"  Again I say nothing.  "Jesus Brian! do you think that's really fair? Matt knows about your history with Justin"

"Yeah well, that's all it is Mikey, history"  Mikey takes the glass from me before I take another shot.  "Matt is not stupid Brian, so don't treat him like this....he has a right to know"  "Know what exactly?"  My anger is coming back.  "You really expect me to believe that when you see him again, it's going to mean nothing to you?"  I shrug.  "It's been three years...I'm done with it"

He can tell that he is getting nowhere with me so he turns to go but pauses before he reaches the door.  "You're not done with anything Brian and you know it" and then he's gone.  I hate it when it's quiet.....did I mention **that?**

 

**Later that evening**

**Matt's Loft/Studio**

 

I'm exhausted, I think the jet lag is catching up with me.  I should have taken the day off but these pictures aren't gonna develop on their own.  I pull my shirt off and think about taking a shower, but I head to the kitchen for a beer.  Stretching out on the sofa with my beer I light a cigarette when my cell rings.  "Yeah" I answer slightly annoyed at the interruption.  "Naked yet?"  "Kinney, what the fuck do you want?" why does his voice get me everytime?  "Well, if you didn't figure it out by now, we're in big trouble"  We both laugh, getting up I move to find an ashtray.

"I'm half naked does that count?"  "Hardly, asshole now get your jeans off" Demanding prick.  "How do you know I'm still in my jeans anyway?" I ask  "Because, you wouldn't have answered if you were still working and I know the first thing you do when you're done is take your shirt off...get a beer and smoke"  He really shouldn't know this much about me but he does.  Suddenly, I'm aware of faint backround noise coming from his phone.  "Where are you anyway?"  My jeans are off now and I chug the last of my beer.  "Open your door and find out"  Instantly, I'm not as tired as I thought.

I close up my phone, put out my cigarette and swing open the door.  "Kinney, lose your key?"  Yes, he has a key and maybe a few clothes here, but that doesn't mean anything right?  Two seconds later he's inside and got my back against the door.  What is it with us and doors anyway?  Lips on mine, I'm pulling at his jacket and making quick work of the rest of his clothes.  I can taste the whiskey on his tongue and I pull him in more trying to drink him in.  Grabbing his ass, he grinds into me and if he keeps this up I'm gonna come all over him.  Kissing down my chest I put my hands on his shoulders, I don't have to really guide him, I know where he's heading.  "God" he is sucking and licking me to the point I'm gonna forget my own name and I'm moaning......loudly I might add.  It's the closest I come to begging but if that's what it takes.  My hands are tangled in his hair and I notice I've starting pushing my hips into him, then he's suddenly off me and back in my face.  "Uh uh, you'll come when I say"  Bullshit Kinney, my turn now!!  I get him against the door, hands over his head pinned by one of mine,cheek pressing against the door I use my other arm to pull him by the waist so my cock is pressing against his ass.  He wants to fight me, but I know he likes when I catch him off guard like this.  Breathing hot in his ear, "You're screaming my name tonight"  I lick his cheek and move my hand to squeeze his cock.  He says nothing but pushes against me, he won't beg either.

I grab for his jeans, I know where he keeps his condoms and lube.  "When did we get to this point?"  Stop thinking Matt, it's just fucking not a relationship, well maybe a "fucking relationship" anyway.  I go back to him, his hands flat out on the door, ass up and waiting for me.  After inserting a third lube slicked finger into him, he is pushing back on me and I know he's ready.  Tearing open the condom I roll it on and he looks slightly over his shoulder at me.  I can see the **want** in his eyes and I'm sure he can see it in mine.

One hand on his shoulder, I use the other to guide my dick slowly inside him and he's so tight and hot on me, I want to explode.  It never takes us long to get a rhythm going and I can see the sweat on his back.  I run my hand down through it, **God** I want to lick it off of him.  He's picking up the pace now, so I reach for his dick that has started to leak onto the hardwood floor.  I grab his hips hard to stop the movement but keep stroking him.  "Come on" I breathe into his face and then he's shaking against me and I can feel his cum hot and thick against my fingers, it sends me over and I feel the muscles in his ass ripping my own orgasm from me.

 

**Early morning 1am**

**Matt's Loft/Studio**

 

**Brian's POV**

 

I had every intention of coming over here and fucking the shit out of Matt, but it seems he had other ideas.  Did I say he's a smartass before?  Speaking of which mine is gonna be sore later....fucker....I'd be pissed to if he wasn't so good at it.  I have to admit I really don't bottom much and Matt's flexible, in more ways than one, thank God!!!!  In all honesty, I haven't done it with anyone else since.....,great Kinney, stop fucking thinking about him, it's been three years!!!  I'm on my side looking at Matt's back and I can tell from his breathing he is not asleep, just then he rolls over to face me.

 

"Not sleeping again I see" is all he says and I know it's his way of asking what's going on?    "That obvious huh?" I smile----he shrugs  "Just a statement of fact Kinney that's all"  Green eyes staring back at me I know I have to tell him, Mikey is right Matt is **not** stupid.  "Justin is coming home" I breathe.  His look never changes  "When?"  "A few days"

Christ!! he is hard to read, but I go on anyway.  "Mikey told me......I guess he didn't want me to just run into him"  "I figured something was up.....you gonna see him?" he asks.  My turn to shrug  "Don't see why I should....it's been three years"  How many times am I gonna say that?   "It's up to you Kinney, I understand you know that.  I know what he meant to you"  He puts his hand on my cheek and leans in to kiss me, lips barely touching he speaks again  "This isn't about me, it's about you and if you want to see him you should, I'm not going anywhere"  Kissing, I pull him closer to me and relax into him, sleep comes easy for me this time.

 

**New York City**

**3am**

 

**Justin's POV**

 

Three more days and them I'm going back to a place I haven't called home for a long time.  Back to my best friend, my mom and a whole lot of memories that have followed me for three years now.  Brian.  I know from my talks with mom and Daphne that he is seeing someone, God, that just seems so weird to me.  From the little that they have told me I'm not sure if it's serious, all I know is that this guy, Matt, has been around for at least a year. Who am I kidding, that seems pretty serious to me.

 

It hurts to think of him with someone else like that, but honestly what did I expect this is Brian Kinney we're talking about but I didn't expect him to find someone else and I know that's pretty fucking selfish of me.  Believe me I've tried for three years to banish him from my thoughts and sometimes I manage to go a few days and not think of him but that's the extent of it.  

I see a piece of him in every man I'm with and every sketch that I do or painting that I create.  Staring out the window, I look at the lights of the city and try to commit the view to memory.  Of course it's already there along with all the others.  I glance over at the clock 3am.  Perfect, no sleep for me tonight.  I guess I'll finish boxing up my things, I can't put it off any longer.  I work until I notice the sun coming up and collapse onto my bed.  Closing my eyes, the sun feels warm against my back and if I concentrate I can imagine it's Brian's body pressing against me instead.


	6. Too Much Thinking, Not Enough Action

  
Author's notes: I'm not one to beg but I am in serious need of a beta for this fic. Any offers I will gladly accept. To summarize this chapter, three men and three different POV. Thanks Kimmie   


* * *

Kinney tossed and turned in his sleep last night and was gone when I woke up the next morning.

So, Justin is coming back home. That certainly does explain the way Deb acted towards me yesterday in the diner. I'm guessing that means my time with Kinney will be limited once Justin returns.

It's strange because I'm not certain how I should feel about that or that I should feel anything at all. It's just really great sex right?

I didn't meet Kinney until at least two years after Justin left and I have never tried to dig for any details about their relationship from anyone.

All I know about it is what Kinney told me that one night months ago.

He is so good at hiding his emotions but that night I saw something in his eyes that told me there was more to his relationship with Justin than even he realized.

When he finished telling me about it he was strangely quiet and then he must have sensed I was going to tell him I was sorry about what happened that night at Justin's prom and everything after.

Because the next thing I knew he was pounding me into the hardwood floor.

I'm still not sure who he was fucking that night. Me or Justin.

FUCK IT!!! I'm not going to spend my day trying to analyze and pick apart that one night...it's exhausting.

Hell!! This whole non-relationship but incredible sexual relationship thing with Kinney is exhausting.

I sometimes wonder if I have the stamina to even continue it.

The truth is, I didn't even want this or go looking for this. I didnt think Kinney did either.

 

FLASHBACK

11 MONTHS AGO

KINNETIK

"You're late Sullivan" he snaps at me when I walk through the door. I have my portfolio in one hand and a latte in the other.

"I don't function before 10am and at least two of these" I tell him motioning to my drink of choice, then I get to work laying out my best work on the boardroom table.

"I've got more at home if you want but these should be enough to impress you"

"We'll see about that" he snorts and walks over to the table.

He says nothing just examines the photos I have laid out. After some time goes by I'm getting a little pissed since I don't like my work being scrutinized, I already know how fucking good it is.

"I don't even know why you asked to see more of my work Kinney. I would think you would have figured out how good my work is by the job I did on the Brown ad"

"Pissed?" he asks looking at me and cocking and eyebrow.

"Frankly, yes"

He then tosses the photo he has in his hand back down.

"Frankly, I don't give a fuck. This new account will mean millions for Kinnetik and I'm not going to leave it in the hands of an amatuer"

I swear I don't know what I want to do more, punch him or throw him across the desk and fuck him.

I get in his face, eyes set on his.

"I'm not some fucking amatuer, so don't insult me. You want me for this account fine and if you don't that's fine too, but don't you dare think you can just call me in here and jerk me around. I don't know what kind of pathetic little creatures you are used to dealing with, maybe the kind who will just drop to their knees, shall we say to work for the brilliant, if even in his own mind, Brian Kinney but I can assure you that is not who I am!!" 

The bastard has the nerve to just stand there with this smug look on his face.

"You finished yet?"

I grab my portfolio not even bothering with the photos.

"With you? Absolutely!"

I storm towards the door and just as I reach the handle he speaks again.

"By the way, you've got the job"

My blood is boiling with anger and my head is swimming in confusion. I hate and want this man at the same time so I give the only answer I can manage.

"Fuck you Kinney!" and I slam the door behind me.

Of course I take the job, I'm not a total idiot. Kinney shows up at the shoot and he says nothing but I feel his eyes on me the whole time watching my every move. He leaves just as we wrap things up and I'm relieved, yet disappointed. I want yet don't want to be around him. Something about him gets under my skin, knocks me off balance, makes me uncertain and I wish it didn't excite me but it does.

Later that night he shows up at my loft incredibly late and equally intoxicated.

I let him in and he pushes me up against the door, mouth devouring mine. He tastes of whiskey and sex.

"You can't just come around here like this" I whisper against his lips.

"You gave me your address remember?" he tells me then pulls my t-shirt over my head.

I hold his face in my hands and I try to keep up my resolve, to mean what I say when I tell him

"This is the last time we are doing this Kinney"

He nods his head in agreement but I don't think he really hears me.

 

PRESENT DAY

MATT'S LOFT

I'm snapped out of my thoughts by the pounding on my loft door. AAHHH!!! the FedEx man. Just the person I need right now, as if I need anyone anyway.

It doesn't matter this guy is just a fuck to me and at least it will keep me from thinking about Kinney. It will keep me from thinking about what Justin's return home will really mean for me.

 

KINNETIK

I've gotten fuck all done today and work is the one place I've always been most at peace.

I slept for shit last night and woke up before light. I should feel better that I told Matt that Justin is coming home and I guess I do.

It's really not a big deal that he is coming back. Of course, everyone else wants to turn it into some kind of fucking drama.

Justin and I are not even the same two people anymore, well one of us has changed anyway. I will never be the man that he needs or wants. I'm just not built that way. He found that with Ian or Ethan or whatever the fuck his name is.

I'm sure he is just coming back here to tell me and everyone how blissfully happy he is.

Well that is just aces!!!

Wait! Why is this even pissing me off? Why do I even give a fuck? Most importantly, why did I keep seeing his face everytime I closed my eyes last night?

 

NEW YORK CITY

48HRS It's like a big countdown in my head now that I can't stop.

I told my mom not to pick me up at the airport. I'm almost 22yrs old I'm certain I can find my way home.

I never deleted his number from my cell. I actually dialed it once but then hung up when I heard his voice.

I tell myself I did it by accident but that is bullshit. I did it because some small part of me was actually afraid I wouldn't remember what he sounded like.

It's not possible though, I could never forget what he sounds like, feels or tastes like.

Great Taylor!!! just punish yourself some more, replay everything over and over in your head.

Take all the good memories and wrap yourself up in them like they are a blanket but I don't feel warm anymore. It chokes me and I struggle to get away, to breathe because I can't have the good without the bad.

The night I got bashed. The night I left him. The moment I realized that Ethan wasn't the person I thought he was.

I just can't be here anymore. FUCK IT!! I'm going home tonight and I don't know if what I am about to do is right but I just don't care anymore. I have to know that it is not too late.

I'm done thinking and dreaming about him. Three years is long enough. I have to see him......now. 

 


	7. You Should Have Called Me

  
Author's notes: Justin is back and decides to pay Brian a visit.   


* * *

Kinnetik

I stand in the open doorway just watching him lean over the table. I can't see his face but I'm sure he has a look of deep concentration and maybe a little annoyance. He has been here since early this morning and I know him well enough to know that he hasn't taken a break all day.

"Are you going to come in or are you going to stand there and look at my ass all night?"

"Is that a trick question? Because I'm content to do either one."

He looks over his shoulder back at me and gives me half a smile. I take that as a sign that it is safe to come in.

I walk over to him and notice he is looking at the boards for the new Liberty Air campaign.

"These boards are for shit Kinney."

He looks over at me, the annoyance clearly written on his face.

"That's what I've always liked about you Sullivan, your ability to state the obvious."

I bump my shoulder against his before I answer back.

"Come on now Kinney, that is not all you like about me," I say as I reach for his tie to pull him against me. I move in close to kiss him but he backs away and I know what the question is going to be before he even asks it.

"Did you fuck the FedEx man again?"

"He had a package for me," I laugh and he pushes me back from him.

"So that is why you didn't stop by sooner? I have been replaced by the FedEx guy," he says feigning being upset.

I don't even think before I speak again because I figure it is just us here and maybe a small part of me is getting tired of pretending that I don't feel anything for him.

"You are alot of things Kinney but replacable is certainly not one of them" I keep my eyes on his for as long as I dare, then I look away. I feel a little exposed now and I wonder if maybe I should have kept my big mouth shut.

He steps back into my space and turns my face back to his.

"Better watch out Sullivan, or I will start to think that you actually give a fuck about me," he says smiling at me.

"Promise not to tell anyone?" 

He doesn't answer me, at least not with words this time. He pushes me up against the table and my shirt is pulled roughly over my head before I have time to say anything else.

I had a good reason for stopping by here tonight but it seems to be lost on me when he starts sucking the spot on my neck that he knows will drive me crazy.

I must be out of my fucking mind to think I can ever give this up.

"Stop fucking thinking Sullivan," he growls in my ear.

I snap my eyes open to find him staring at me. I open my mouth to deny it but he kisses the words right out of me.

Later. I will tell him later. 

 

One hour later

 

I watch Matt pull his t-shirt back on and I can tell something is going on with him tonight. I don't do this talking shit very well but Matt just isn't anyone and maybe a small part of me is tired of pretending I don't feel anything for him.

"So are you going to tell me the real reason you came by here tonight?"

"Thought you could use the distraction. I'll bet you have been looking at those boards for hours."

"Want to try another answer? I'm not in the mood for bullshit."

He runs his hand through his hair, it's a nervous habit of his that I picked up on months ago.

"I have to go out of town again."

Okay, well that is no big deal. He does that all the time, it is his job after all.

"When?"

"Monday," he sighs and avoids looking at me. 

"Where to this time?"

"Brazil"

"The assignment for National Geographic? I thought you said you didn't think you would get the job." Shit!!! 

'I got a call from them earlier today, a member of the crew had to cut out. He had a family emergency or something so they gave me a call."

"So, how long?"

He hesitates before he finally answers me.

"Three months, four at the most."

FUCK!!!! This could not come at a worse time.

"You are leaving on Monday for four months?" I don't even try to hide my dislike of the situation.

'Look, I know you are pissed but--

I put my hand up to cut him off.

"I'm not pissed. It's your job Sullivan, it's what you do. It's not like we will never see each other again," I say to him and I notice a sense of relief on his face.

"Better watch out Kinney, or I will start to think that you actually give a fuck about me," he says smiling as he makes his way back over to me.

I brush the hair out of his eyes and smile back at him.

"Promise not to tell anyone?"

 

The next morning

 

I have been standing outside for the last twenty minutes trying to work up the nerve to hit the call button. I was so determined last night that it was now or never, that I had to see him. That seemed so damn easy then but now it's like I've resorted back to my old ways. I'm that stupid seventeen year old stalker again.

"Come on Taylor pull it together."

I approach the steps and notice the door swing open, when I come face to face with a near copy of Brian. His hair and eye color are different but he has that undeniable air about him that exudes confidence and sex. He gives me a quick once over and a smile as we pass each other on the steps.

I grab the door before it swings closed behind him and take a deep breath before I ascend the steps. 

When I reach his door my heart is beating so loud I can hear it pounding in my ears and I think about leaving. 

I raise my hand to knock when the door slides open. In that exact moment, my breath catches in my throat at the sight of him. It's been three years and he is still as beautiful as I remembered. 

"Justin?"

I get the impression from his tone and the fact that he is only half dressed, I'm not who he expected to be at his door right now.

"Nice to know you didn't forget my name," I quip. 

"Why the fuck would I do that?" he bites back at me.

Okay, that may have been the wrong thing to say. He buttons up his shirt but he makes no move to let me in.

"Thought you weren't coming back until tomorrow." His voice pulls me out of my trance. 

"No reason for me to stay in New York anymore."

"What about your boyfriend?" I can hear the sarcasm in his voice when he says that word.

"He's history."

"My goodness Sunshine, you really are getting a knack for being a heartbreaker aren't you?" The bitterness of what happened three years ago is evident in his voice and I see it in his eyes. 

"Actually, he left me if you must know."

He lets out a laugh at that and it pisses me off but I guess he is entitled to find it amusing. He steps aside letting me in and I watch him head to the bedroom to finish getting dressed. 

"Let me guess, he left you for a cello player?"

He left me for a clarinet player but no fucking way will I tell him that. He is already having too much fun at my expense.

"Can we not talk about Ethan right now?"

"Well, what would you like to talk about? I know, how about the weather? I think it is calling for rain today."

I lean against the steel column and watch him slip on his suit jacket. He looks over at me and I can see a memory flash in his eyes so I move away. 

"Brian, I never meant to- He puts his hand up to stop me from finishing my sentence.

"Don't," he warns me.

We stand there for a minute at an impasse. I have no idea what to say and he obviously has no interest in listening to me right now.

We both turn in the direction of the still open door when we suddenly hear footsteps approaching the top of the landing.

"Hey Kinney, have you seen-

The man I passed on the steps earlier appears in the doorway.

He looks from Brian then to me before he speaks again.

"My cell?"

"I should probably go," I manage to get out.

He walks inside and heads my way with a smile in place and extends his hand.

"You must be Justin. I'm Matt Sullivan."

"Nice to meet you," I smile at him. He seems nice enough and then it hits me like a ton of bricks. Oh fuck!! This is the guy Brian has been seeing for the last year. Now I really feel like I should go, this is too weird.

"You left it by the bed again," Brian says to him finally joining the conversation. 

"It's nice to meet you too Justin."

I watch Matt retrieve his cell then head back to the door.

"I'll call you later Kinney," he says sliding the door shut behind him.

I hear Brian let out a breath he must have been holding.

"He seems like a nice guy."

"I need to get to work." Which is obviously my cue to leave so I head for the door with him.

We reach for the door handle at the same time but I quickly pull my hand back. I want nothing more than to touch him but he isn't mine anymore. He hasn't been for a long time but I still feel the familiar electricity between us when we are this close to one another. 

I think it's why he decides to take the elevator and I decide to take the stairs. I certainly don't trust myself to be alone with him for very long.

'Justin"

I turn around to see him standing just outside the elevator.

"Yeah."

"You should have called me."

He steps inside, pulls the gate closed and I keep my eyes locked on his until he disappears.


End file.
